This month is our 18th month TTC. It is also my 29th birthday next week. I have had a really hard time for the past few months. Every time AF shows I get further down emotionally.. Every time I see one of my TTC sisters hurt, sad, or depressed, I get further down emotionally.. I know that I'm not strong enough to continue on this journey.
When do I call it quits? I have seriously thought about it for months now because I see the effects IF is having on our relationship, on my emotional health, and just everyday life. I am in such admiration and determination because of the women on WebMd....but I'm starting to feel like they can only pull me up so far, this is on me and I just don't know if I have it in me. I saw inspirational awards going around, and I feel like every woman I follow is an inspiration...but me personally, what do I have to offer? If you would have talked to me and my DH last year, he would have begged me to quit putting myself through this. But now that we have been through at least 2 known m/c, he is not ready to give up. So when do I call it? How much can I take? What is my breaking point?
TTC has consumed my life. I live for TTC milestones, taking daily temps, O'ing, checking CM, 2WW, and of course POAS. I read on a fellow bloggers page that she was in a Crisis of Faith, oh how I can relate! I am feeling like it is a daily thing that part of my spiritual self just chips away. I have always considered myself to have a lot of faith in things and in people but lately I just feel like I don't have very much of a reason to have faith. I mean, I still have the same beliefs as before, but I just can't understand why things are the way they are!
I have to find common ground with the world and put a deadline on my TTC dreams. I have to set a date that Enough is Enough. And, I have to agree to stop, before it ruins all I have in me.
5 comments:
I've been where you are, asking when to stop, whether to keep trying. I got off the ttc train earlier this year but....well you can read my most recent post....
http://unproductivelyso.blogspot.com/2009/08/climbing-back-on-train.html
Good luck with your decision, it's one only you can make because it's SO personal and you need to be sure you're at peace with your decision others you'll make another one not long after....trust me I know!
xxx
I do understand Tanya. (((hugs)))
IF sucks and it does put great strains on your life, relationships, dreams, hopes, etc.
I'm on my 18th month too and boy it has really taken it's toll out on me. But I am not ready to give up in the slightest. Some days I do think about it though.
I hope it doesn't come down to you having to make that decision.
((hugs))
((((Tanya)))) If you haven't already, I'd suggest picking up a copy of "Unsung Lullabies" from your library or bookstore. I'm currently in the chapter about this very question, and it's...given me a lot to think about.
More ((((hugs)))))
Thank you for the continued support. I know I'm not ready to give up, but these feelings just go like a rollercoaster.
Thanks for the book suggestion Allison, I've heard it mentioned before. Maybe its time I give it a try!
((((((((HUGS))))))))
I was just talking to hubs about the same thing yesterday - when is enough enough? I think we're almost at 18 months too and I don't know how much longer we'll be trying either.
I truly hope you find some peace soon.
Post a Comment