Always Waiting

It has been said many times that TTC'ers spend their time waiting. Waiting to O, Waiting for 2WW, Waiting for AF, Waiting for BW, Waiting for dr appts, Waiting for DH to get on board, Waiting for Friends to get there BFP.....JUST WAITING, and WAITING!

Sorry, I'm in the 2WW and I'm having a hard time! I'm waiting to find out if we succeeded this month. I am on CD 23 and about 7dpo, only 1 more week and I'll test, if I can hold out. I am a major POASaholic and I'll probably begin testing at 10dpo and keep on til AF or BFP. Sad, I know... If I get a BFN, I do have to look into the option of BCP now. I know that we need to TAB since we will be moving, looking for jobs, all that fun stuff. I don't know whether to wing it since we haven't gotten KU yet anyway, or whether to prevent for a few months.

Oh and the move is another story in itself...MORE WAITING. We aren't leaving until March 21st to go back, even though if circumstances were right, we could leave at the end of Feb. We are staying to watch my step-son graduate Bas.ic Trai.ning at Fo.rt Jack.son, SC. It is on March 19th. We will then come home to an already packed home (crossing my fingers on this one), load the Uh.aul all day the 20th, and pull out first thing the 21st. I hate to leave Alabama, but I'm so ready to see my family. That is what is making this wait hard, knowing we are going but just waiting...

This post is all over the place so I'm just going to end it there. Why did I get up so early on a Saturday morning anyway?

In response...

Warning, possible trigs...Adoption talk..

I read Misty's blog yesterday and it really got me thinking about adoption and how everyone feels differently. It talked about her and her DH and their struggles regarding the choice to move on childless or onto adoption. It got me thinking. I am not in the same situation, for I was very fortunate to have children with my first husband. But this post prompted me to talk to my husband on a deep level about adoption. I have never considered it for us because if the whole TTC issue doesn't work for us, I always felt grateful for what I have and can deal with it. Well, it turns out that my husband, in certain circumstances feels different.

I asked him in a way, why men do have a harder time with adoption. Suprisingly, he didn't say that it was because he didn't think he could love the child as his own. His answer? He would be afraid of the birth parents coming back into the childs life and want them back. That is a very valid fear. I wonder if it is a fear behind a fear that many of our DH's have and they don't express. He also said that he would want to adopt a baby, not a child...which I can also see his reasons for. I think that we are all different in our reasons for wanting/not wanting to adopt.

What do you guys think? Have you had the 'adoption' talk with your spouse? I have to admit that I was very surprised to hear my husband say he would be willing to adopt if we had the means to do so. He even told me he wishes that we were well to do so that we could adopt as many from Haiti as possible. I saw my husband in a new light. I LOVE HIM so much, and this is just one of the reasons.

PS. Misty, I hope this doesn't step on your toes, I just loved your post and pray that you and your DH find comfort in whatever decision you make!

I 'PEAKED'

So my fab friend, Sherry, gave me a CBEFM and I have been using it for the first time this C. I haven't temped for about 4 mos and I have actually had normal length cycles for the last 3 months (around 27-29 days). Today, I PEAKED.... I was wondering why it said high yesterday and not peak considering my abundant EWCM yesterday. I had O Pains today so thinking I O'd today. My question is, why would it say PEAK the day I feel I O'd... I thought its purpose and the purpose of OPKs was to detect a surge a day or two before you O'd..am I wrong in thinking this? Just wondering.

In any event, I'm only on CD14 and so happy to have O'd because that means another normal length Cycle and that is cause for celebration itself. Maybe I better just stop temping forever, maybe that had been making me stress too much about O'ing that it was delaying me?! I don't know. Honestly the next few months I would be more than elated to see a BFP but given a recent decision to move back home to UT in March, I won't be disappointed with a BFN because there will be a lot of stress. However, if I don't see AF by Feb 5th, I'm testing cause DH's bday is the 7th and that would be an awesome birthday gift!

A blog that might be worth checking out...

I have been to A BLOG THAT IS TRYING TO HELP those that are TTC. It is written by a woman who went through IF herself and she is working on her PhD and needs people that are going through IF to participate in a survey to help her with her study. The survey, according to her, only takes about 20 mins. She seems genuine and you can read more about her efforts on her blog page. Go to one blog that is titled, 'A little about me'.

You can follow that link or go to drhousewife.blogspot.com to see more info or to see if you may be interested. She does have a few 'qualifications' for the study... I can't do the study because I don't meet requirements, but I would if I could because I believe in IF awareness and I think that she has whole-hearted intentions.

• Member of a married, heterosexual couple
• Both you and your spouse are between the ages of 20 – 45
• You do not have any biological or adopted children living in your home
• You are not currently pregnant
• Either you, your spouse, or both has received an infertility diagnosis
• You have received treatment for infertility in the past six months, or plan to do so in the next six months
• Both you and your partner are willing to participate & have access to the internet

You can contact her by email also: UTInfertilityResearch@gmail.com

I'm Recruiting

DESCRIPTION: I'm now recruiting people to send encouraging letters to my step-son who is in the National Guard. He is in Basic Training and this is his first week, one of the toughest there is. He is expected to have a real hard time the first 3 weeks. I'm trying to get people to write a letter or send a card of encouragement so that he won't want to quit!


REQUIREMENTS: None

If you are interested in sending him a card/letter, please contact me on facebook or if you don't have facebook, email me at (tanya s 11 88 at ao l dot com) no spaces.

I would really appreciate anyone doing this!!! In the letter or card, just let him know you are my friend so that he'll know it legit...

SPOT no more

AF is here in all her glory, officially the last C of my 2 years. I don't know what is supposed to be next. Officially I am supposed to be at the end of my TTC effort, but I can't give up, not 'til my body gives up. My dr told me 2 years ago that the endo would only stay gone for about a year, maybe 2 tops. He said the lap was just gonna be a "bandaid" and that if we planned on having more children, we needed to "Git R Done". Well, it still hasn't happened, not that we haven't tried....

I can feel the endo all the time and I know that it is getting worse again. I know now that the fibroids are back to and that is the cause of my mid-C bleeding. So now, do we keep going through the Lap and D&C every other year...not to mention the awful Lupron... or do we think about "the end".

I am in a place right now that I'm not going to think about it. I refuse to give up hope, I refuse to go through this pain month after month for this long just to have my girly parts removed and have no chance for another.. After all, we are TTC against the odds...what do I expect? I surely didn't think that this was going to be easy. Well, actually, when we started, I did think it was going to be easy, but that was based on previous experience. I HAVE to say that not willingly I am one of those that has to say: If it happens it happens, if not, we will be ok.... I only say that because of being blessed with 2 beautiful children already... But deep done, I don't know if I will be ok if it doesn't.

Well, for now, I will continue to TTC and I don't know how long I will have this positive hope/faith, but it is there, and it tells me: Maybe it will happen this year...

Only need 3 words today......

ROOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL
TIDE
ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so proud of my Bama team, well at least the Defense and running backs, not sure WTH was wrong with McElroy, he couldn't pass for sh!t. Anyway.... 1st time ever that Bama beat Texas and now BCS Champions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!

What a Week.....

**poss trigs, yes, another kids/family story....

So I posted the other day about my little girl and DH being ill. Well, then it spread to my little man. He actually got hit hard with it in the tummy and had a pretty high fever coming in at 102.6. I got his fever to break and stay under control and then last night I ended up taking him to the ER because of tummy pains. He woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't lay flat, curl up or walk around to get any relief. So I asked him if he needed to go to the dr. Mind you, my boy hates drs and immediately tries to toughen up, he started to squawl and wanted to go to the hospital.

At the ER, they gave him something that dissolves under your tongue, I don't think I was fully functional and I don't remember what exactly it was. They said that they have seen a bunch of this stomach virus in the last week. They actually said they wouldn't be surprised if it didn't last a few more days and gave him a school excuse until Monday. That about killed him, he loves school. Well, I kept him and my girl home again today and neither have vomitted or had one bout of diarrhea and both have said they are feeling good...So back to school tomorrow....

Please, oh please, don't let it come back!

********************************************************

AS I TYPE:
I am watching the TIDE kick some TEXAS A$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just hope that they can hold on! I love the Bama Defense and the running backs, but I really think they need to pull McElroy out...he is stinkin the place up! If we left it to him, Texas would be whoopin our butt.

Come on BAMA! ROOOOOOOOLLLL TIDE ROLL

Wrong on so many levels

TRIGS INVOLVED

I am so pissed by this article, it isnt even funny. I don't know who to be pissed at though, the mother in the story for how she lives, or more so at the people she is suing for violating rights...I just can't believe it!

**It does say that she also sued CVS and a spermacide company because she was sold an out of date product and received an out-of court settlement for that. That along with other things, I do wonder if she didn't have a verbal agreement with the dr even without the signed waiver. Or if for some reason he was told she had signed the waiver, I can't imagine drs doing that, especially if she had sued previously, she probably would have been on news and such.... WHO KNOWS... ITS DEFINITELY WRONG!

WOW

Here I sit 2 years later...didn't see that one coming...how ignorant was I?

So obviously this was my last C before I hit the 2 year mark and now that spot has came, it will just be within the next couple days that her evil twin AF shows. Its kinda weird but I have now became used to good ole spot. She shows up like clockwork every C now, usually 2-3 days before AF. Hmmm, every month I have this wonderful intention to start taking Vitamin B, but for some reason, I put it off. I wonder if it will do my crazy spot and semi-short LP any good. When I first started TTC and monitoring my Cs, my LP was only 11 days, somehow now it is around 12 sometimes 13...which technically doesn't qualify as a "short" but to me it seems that if it were a little longer, maybe it would help things along.

Has anyone else used Vitamin B? Anyone else who spots before AF on a regular basis?

Not Exactly

I was trying to be so positive about yesterday and this whole year for that matter. This post may be a little queasy so if you have a weak tummy you may not want to read to the end. Also, contains a little trigs as it is a story about my little girl.

Yesterday my lil angel girl told us she didn't want to go back to school today and did the whole whiny thing. So last night after dinner she started complaining of a tummy ache. I asked her if she was really feeling it or if she was just saying it so she could stay home, she agreed it was the latter. Then she said it again and I asked her the same thing and again she admitted she said it so she didn't have to go to school. So I put her to bed. An hour later I heard some gurgling in our hallway. She was coming to tell me she needed to throw up and didn't make it. She must have vomitted 3 days worth of food because my hallway was filled, her clothes, face and hair were also filled. I put her in the bath, she started washing while I went to try and clean as much of the "chunks" as I could since DH has the typical weak man belly. I finished washing her hair last night and put her back to bad. She had said that her tummy felt a lot better after puking.

Not so much since she woke up at midnight throwing up again. I went in her room to see what damage was done and she actually was able to use the bucket I left in there.... MY POOR BABY. Needless to say, she won't be going to school today and I feel horrible that I didn't believe her the 1st time she told me.

Also, when she woke up at midnight, guess who else got sick... DH! He has been up ALL night puking and diarrhea. My step-grandbaby was over on Saturday to see off my stepson and she had this stomach virus...I'm guessing this is where all this came from.

I've Got a Feeling.....

That tonights gonna be a good good night.....

Funny, but I never get sick of that song by the Black Eyed Peas. It just kind of stuck on me.  And now, whenever there is good happening, it pops into my head. I am not complaining one bit because it means good feelings, not bad. : )

Today marks an anniversary of the day me and DH met face to face. We met online so I was way nervous about meeting him and him meeting me. For all the people who are against online dating, I just have to giggle a little in your face. I love him with all my heart and I have never felt as strong of a connection with anyone else. We are not perfect, we have our days, but we always make it through.

Today, my stepson leaves for the Natio.nal Gu.ard. It will be sad to see him go for 8 months, but this is a great thing for him and I am proud that he is doing something with himself!

Today is the last day of Christmas Vacation for the kiddos. I don't know whether to insert a smiley or a frown here. I love the time we have had to spend together the last 2 weeks..nothing buy mommy/kiddo time, but also glad they are going back to learn (and doesn't hurt that I get the "me" time back).. So all in all, I would say this is not a "Bad" thing so smiley it is.    : )

Today, AF is not due to show (still crossing fingers on this one)...

What a GREAT day that makes today!

It started 10 years ago....

*poss trig alert*

10 years ago it was the year 2000. I was childless but expecting my son. I had no IF issues and it took me 1 month to get pregnant. I took that for granted. The next year, I wasn't trying but got pregnant on BCPs and that resulted in a m/c, not 4 weeks later I was pregnant again....no IF issues and totally ignorant about TTC efforts. Why did it come so easy then? Here is my theory....

I truly believe that there is a reason for everything. We never know what the reasons are, but I believe that God gives us what we can handle. As much as it hurts now, month after month, there has to be some sort of reason beyond us as to why we aren't getting pregnant. I think that the reason I was given my first 2 children so easily is because it caused me to grow up and have the family that I really didn't have. I grew up an only child with a single-mother and the lessons I have learned since they were born have been priceless.

Now, why can't we be successful at TTC? There could be many reasons. Maybe God doesn't believe we can handle anymore, maybe He thinks that someone else deserves it more, maybe He is testing my/our faith... Whatever the reason, I will never lose faith..and even when I am forced to stop TTC because of the problems, I will probably always have faith. I have learned so much about TTC and the emotions involved and I have gained so many friends, maybe this is what my lesson is...who knows. But I have been extremely humbled in thinking that we have control over this. I have apologized to people I have known in the past that had a hard time TTC because I probably said something to them unknowingly that may have offended them, like the "relax". I will never ever think the same way and I will always have empathy & sympathy for those who have had or are having a hard time TTC.

I pray with all my heart for each of my friends TTC that you will see a BFP and that it will result in a healthy baby....

*******BABY DUST******* to all of you!