Yep, its official... I hopped on the train this morning, damn it!!!!!!! A train I hate to ride but seem to have no choice or no other destination. I am so full of self pity right now! It hurts SOOO much. Even with the endo and fibroids, the physical pain is a walk in the park compared to the emotional pain.
I do want to tell my Dear Husband I'm sorry for the attitude this morning, I also know that this has been the most heart-breaking cycle for him too.
I don't know what else to say.....
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Silly hubby....
I love my silly hubby. On Sunday I told my hubby that I was going to the dollar store and he said, "How many are you gonna get?" I was like HUH?! He was like you know the little pink boxes, and at that point I realized he was talking about PG tests. I was like hun, I'm only 3 DPO so I'm not getting any, just toilet paper and snacks. I guess me going to the dollar store = PG tests....lol. He then proceeded to tell me that he knows this is our C. Which kinda surprises me cause he is usually the more realistic one that is a little more negative. So he gives me hope. He even asked when we could test...I was like not for another week.... Sorry had to share!
OMG....I can't believe it
I read this post on the pregnancy board on Web.Md... I know why torture myself, but I couldn't help respond. Possible trigs for my fellow TTCers..
http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.89deda7f!thdchild=.89deda7f
http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.89deda7f!thdchild=.89deda7f
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
SOOOOO Many Emotions Today!
***Warning, possible TRIGS in post***
Excited, Thankful, Nervous, Anxious, Sorry, and Thrilled.
I am going through many emotions right now. On one hand I am so happy to be going back "home" and taking my 2 kids back to see family and friends. On the other, I'm really nervous about the plane ride and my little girl, who has a very mild version of Cer.e.bral Pa.lsy. I'm nervous about her ears being able to take the altitude adjustments. I'm worried about her tendency to lose blad.der con.trol. I just hope and pray that everything goes ok. Also, this is the first time that me and DH have been apart since being married. We've only been married for a year and a half, so to me it still feels like being newlyweds. Its gonna be hard to leave him for 2 weeks. Funny to say that, because I have never felt like this in my entire life so it just reassures the fact that I was with the wrong person the 1st time around. I find it such a relief that my children and DH have such a close bond. If you didn't know different, you would think they were his...and I wish they were. I would love nothing more than to have a child with him. Not that it makes my children any less, because I am so very thankful for them. I feel very blessed and love them more than I can ever describe.
Which leads me to thinking about my TTC efforts. I wish that I could do something to help all of my fellow TTC'ers. I wish that I could give them a magic pill so that they could also experience this motherhood. I feel so guilty sometimes that I have children already and that there are so many without. Some days it is really hard for me because I want to offer so much support to others, but I don't know if I'm much help to others. The last thing that I want to do is cause pain to someone else TTC and I hope and pray that I don't ever make someone feel bad or "throw it in their face that I already have children". Because honestly, if I wasn't blessed with children, it would be hard for me to hear from others that already have them.
I just want to tell all the ladies who are in this TTC journey with me that I am so thankful for the support and love that I feel. I hope that I don't make anyone feel badly, and pray that I can help by offering advice and support. You ladies mean a lot to me and I don't even "know" you.
Excited, Thankful, Nervous, Anxious, Sorry, and Thrilled.
I am going through many emotions right now. On one hand I am so happy to be going back "home" and taking my 2 kids back to see family and friends. On the other, I'm really nervous about the plane ride and my little girl, who has a very mild version of Cer.e.bral Pa.lsy. I'm nervous about her ears being able to take the altitude adjustments. I'm worried about her tendency to lose blad.der con.trol. I just hope and pray that everything goes ok. Also, this is the first time that me and DH have been apart since being married. We've only been married for a year and a half, so to me it still feels like being newlyweds. Its gonna be hard to leave him for 2 weeks. Funny to say that, because I have never felt like this in my entire life so it just reassures the fact that I was with the wrong person the 1st time around. I find it such a relief that my children and DH have such a close bond. If you didn't know different, you would think they were his...and I wish they were. I would love nothing more than to have a child with him. Not that it makes my children any less, because I am so very thankful for them. I feel very blessed and love them more than I can ever describe.
Which leads me to thinking about my TTC efforts. I wish that I could do something to help all of my fellow TTC'ers. I wish that I could give them a magic pill so that they could also experience this motherhood. I feel so guilty sometimes that I have children already and that there are so many without. Some days it is really hard for me because I want to offer so much support to others, but I don't know if I'm much help to others. The last thing that I want to do is cause pain to someone else TTC and I hope and pray that I don't ever make someone feel bad or "throw it in their face that I already have children". Because honestly, if I wasn't blessed with children, it would be hard for me to hear from others that already have them.
I just want to tell all the ladies who are in this TTC journey with me that I am so thankful for the support and love that I feel. I hope that I don't make anyone feel badly, and pray that I can help by offering advice and support. You ladies mean a lot to me and I don't even "know" you.
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