Hatin' IF & Feelin' the Pain of Others

These days there are plenty of reasons to get down in my life, but I am admittedly an optimistic. I have a never ending hope that everything will work out in time. Right now there are so many things going on in my life that I really haven't thought about the hatred I have towards IF, but it is there, it still consumes me on days.

I want to offer the deepest empathy and sympathy to a couple of fellow bloggers. Many days reading their blogs have lifted me up when down, but this past week, they have needed the lifting. I want them to know that I am praying for each of them and love them as much as I can in this blog world. I pray for comfort and peace to surround them and that they will have all the support they need to help them through such a difficult time. First there is Kitty, who is going through a m/c and whether you have been through that or not, the pain is indescribeable. And then there is S.I.F. (who I don't even know her 1st name?), but it doesn't matter because she went through a failed IVF cycle and her pain is as real as yours and mine. I want these ladies to know that we are here for them, so if you get a chance, please go give 'em some love and hugs.....

I love all you Ladies and want to thank you all for the support that you give me and I hate that we are going through this, but know that we have to keep Faith.

This is it....

I'm finally on CD 2 or 3. After a week of mild spotting, I'm finally having a regular or at least semi-regular AF. I am used to a much heavier and painful one, but hey, the fact that she is finally visiting...suits me. I just figured up the days since my last regular AF, this would be CD104... WHOA, more than 100 days.

In my mind right now, I am pretty much done TTC. There are so many things that life is throwing my way that TTC just doesn't fit in there. We have hit our 2 1/2 year mark and even though I know many more have made it way past this long ago, I'm finding that my faith had been diminishing little by little and I was becoming a person that I didn't necessarily like. My faith is getting stronger day by day and I don't want to lose it so it may just be easier to give up on this TTC plan. I haven't been blogging for this reason. I still follow my friends' blogs, but I just don't feel 'it' anymore. I'm sure I will change my mind on this in the near future so I am keeping my blog to remind me of all feelings and experiences. I will also be updating as those thoughts change my mind.

Much baby dust goes out to those needing it.

AF Update

The update is there is no AF.. WHAT???

Last night I was sick and went to the restroom and I thought that I had full blown AF, I used something which I changed before I went to bed and saw one big clot on it... Then this morning went to change again at 3:00a.m., yes I'm up that early, and nothing...not ONE drop. And as of now, still nothing....SO, am I on CD84, or was that AF???!!

There she blows

CD1

F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!

After 83 days of no bleeding and getting hopes that last that whole time that I o'd and didn't know it and possibly could turn up preggers, AF rained on my parade again. My longest C in history to date.... I'm so messed up right now. I can't even cry because I'm so pissed! My insides feel like someone ripped them out and handed them to me.