One is the Loneliest Number....

Being that I am a POASaholic and have no idea when/if I ovulated this C, I have been POAS for the last 3 days and will continue to do so because that is just the way I am. Now, if the HPTs would just cooperate and give me the much needed 2 lines rather than leaving one lonely line, that would be GREAT! So in order to achieve my goal I have written the following letter...

Dear God of the HPTs,
   Please send some magical baby dust and sticky vibes and let there be 2 lines, my HPTs are starting to feel bad with only 1 line. And quite frankly, I'm starting to feel bad too!!! Oh, and if you could please be oh so kind to help me throw away BFNs immediately and not keep them around to look at an hour later only to find evaporation lines...that would be awesome.. In fact, you could just do away with the evaporation line so that I can pawn over my HPT for hours and hours trying to find the 2nd line without any confusion.. Your cooperation would be appreciated!
Signed,
Sick of  seeing 1 line

Oh Dear

Well, first and foremost, I want to tell you THANK YOU for your kindness and prayers! DH came home today...NO surgery...kind of. He did have to do another endoscopy, where they take the tube down your throat and they stretched his esophagus again for the 14th time. They also saw a part of the stomach in the corner that was very red and inflammed so they biopsied it, I don't know when we will get the results. He has to go back next week for the colonoscopy. His CT scan checked out normal. The only bw that was bad was his white blood count was really high which means infection, they gave him IV antibiotics. They didn't send him home with any type of medicine which is weird to me... I have a call in to the dr office and just waiting for them to call back to see when the f/u is and if they are supposed to be giving medicine..

This all was so weird. He went in for a normal check up to a new doctor since he hadn't been seen in a few years and he has been having alot of issues with his stomach and esophagus. Because of his history and symptoms and vitals, they sent him straight over to the hospital. Now I wonder if they didn't over-react just a little. He has been having to deal with this kind of stuff for over 20 years with the Crohns. We just have to get a little better on the diet that he is supposed to follow, it is really hard for him!

too much

I can't sleep. It's 12:40 a.m. and I just got home from the hospital, they are keeping DH overnight. He has Crohns and some other GI problems and now there is something new going on. They said something about fluid in the lining of his stomach and that his stomach may have moved to the side again....so he will most likely need surgery. The doctor he is seeing is great, she works a lot of hours and is very personable and even gave us her cell number in case we needed anything. Of course, I won't use it most likely, but her thoughts are worth alot.

I can honestly say that I'm scared. Scared for him and what is going to happen and what he is going to have to go through. He has already had his esophagus stretched 13 times and a surgery where they take some stomach lining and wrap the esophagus and they have done a surgery when his stomach ended up under his rib cage. Now this. His family also has a history of colon cancer and that scares me.

And then, the part that makes me feel guilty to say aloud: What will me and the kids do if something were to happen? I know that is incredibly selfish, but I need him. He is my rock.

This is an eye opener and it definitely makes me 2nd guess whether we really need to be TTC. I don't want to bring another baby in this world only to the possibility that one of the parents is ill and only one of us can take care of it. Is that fair? Knowing all of his medical problems and still TTC?

Heres praying, hoping and crossing my fingers that he won't need surgery and that just the antibiotics will work the magic.

Open to All

Just wanted to write a quick blog to let you know that I have figured out how to enable my blog to allow comments written by those without a blog. I have a few followers that weren't able comment before and now should be able to....

Happy Blogging

Manic Monday

It has been a crazy morning at my house today. The kids were out of school last week so it took everything we had to get up and going this morning.

Not to mention that we were under freeze warning in many parts of Alabama. I guess the low was 23 and it is a chilly 52 right now. I love the cold, but wow what a change from a week ago at 85. I have been here in Alabama for almost 2 years now and the one thing that I have learned is that weather is crazy here. It will be hot one week and the freezing the next. No wonder we all stay sick. Now don't get me wrong, I love weather and change, but sometimes I miss the transition that happens. When I lived in UT, we had 4 seasons and the weather gradually changed so you had time to get used to it.

Anyway, how did I just get a post full of weather? Time to move on, I need to go for awhile. Happy Blogging!

Who Knows

I have no idea if I O'd or when. I have intentionally tried not to temp because I thought I would think about TTC less and relax~guess what?! I was wrong... It is driving me nuts to not know whether I've O'd or not and not to know where I am in my C.

I know that if I have a 'normal' C, I should be somewhere in the middle and either already O'd or I'm really close. I guess I kinda have to force myself to relax and just wait it out... But man, I have a hard time with that!

So, tell me ladies... How do you relax on a typical C when trying not to worry so much about TTC? Is it even possible?

I Came Out of the TTC Closet

Wow, I can't believe that I just wrote on my family/friend blog that I have a TTC secret and that I even posted a link to this blog. Now I feel sick and I'm wondering if I should just go back and delete the post. I hope it was in good taste....

If you want to see how I decided to do it, venture over to www.foreverinbama.blogspot.com.

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Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Special blessings and prayers to all my TTC friends on this special day!

Thanks Kate!

I officially got nominated!

Please see post below for the answers. The people I think that are over the top have already been nominated, which is everyone on my list... I think you ladies are wonderful..thank you for being so supportive. I'm betting that my DH would tell you thank you if he could too because he doesn't have to hear me whine so much :P

Once Again...

I stole a post from Dot. I saw this on some blog awards but waited since I wasn't nominated. Then I saw it on Dot's page and thought, hmmm, why keep waiting...just do it!
1. Where is your cell phone? Table
2. Your hair? Ponytail
3. Your mother? BEST
4. Your father? Busy
5. Your favorite food? Southern
6.Your Dream Last Night? interesting
7. Your favorite drink? coke
8. Your Dream / your goal ? happiness
9. What room are you in? living
10. Your hobby? facebook
11. Your fear? loss (of loved ones)
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? UT
13. Where were you last night ? home
14. Something that you aren’t? arrogant
15. Muffins? Oven...? banananut (there 1 word)
16. Wish list item? BFP
17. Where did you grow up ? Utah
18. Last thing you did ? cook
19. What are you wearing? comfyclothes
20. Your TV? over-worked
21 Your Pets? pups
22. Friends? Awesome
23. Your life? Crazy
24. Your mood? better
25. Missing someone ? mom
26.Vehicle? POS
27. Something you are not wearing ? socks
28. Your favorite store? dollar
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When was the last time you laughed ? today !
31. Last time you cried? Weds?
32. Your best friend ? DH
33. One place that I go to over and over? bathroom
34. One person who emails me regularly? mom
35. Favorite place to eat? Florala

The Mask is Off....

Well, once again AF had the wool pulled over my eyes. I had a little longer LP and numerous PG symptoms, (nauseous, tired, etc...) Spot had even been here for 2 days, which is weird, its usually only 1 day. Well, this morning the witch took off her mask and came at me full blast. YUCK. I feel like hell. I hate taking pain pills, but if I had some....I'd probably be taking them all day!

Now, I'm back to wondering if I should just go back on BCP and give up. I don't want to..not at all. But each month the emotional side of things is twice as bad as the endo and that is hard enough as it is. I can tell the endo is back and I was told at my last Lap that it would only bandaid for a year or two...well its been a year and a half. I'm gonna think about it all weekend, and make a decision. I don't know if it will be clouded by the endo pain judgement, but its all I can do or have control over.

By the way, I have figured out that the reason I have such and emotional time month after month is because I have no control! I can control almost everything in my life, except IF. I have no control over whether we will get KU or not and as much as we want it, it just plain hurts to know I have no control!

Just another reason

to hate IF and wonder why it happens to some and not others. Possible trigs in link below...

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2009/09/30/tweeting-your-miscarriage-is-nothing-sacred/?icid=mainmaindl1link4http%3A%2F%2Fwww.politicsdaily.com%2F2009%2F09%2F30%2Ftweeting-your-miscarriage-is-nothing-sacred%2F