Manic Monday

Yes, it is Just another Manic Monday!! The time change is taking a toll on me, too bad AF beat it to the punch. She is being awful. I want to thank all of you wonderful people who read and comment on my blog, I always feel your support and you are great friends!

I had to give my dog away today, it is harder than dealing with AF right now! She was a full blooded pit and we couldn't take her with us because they wouldn't allow her in the park we are moving to and also in UT they make you buy insurance on your dog when you have a pitbull. It broke my heart, but we gave her to my husband's grandmother. She couldn't be in a better place. Her husband is now in a nursing home and she was thinking about getting a dog and now she has a very loveable companion.

I do think that I had an early miscarriage. I would have been 5 1/2 weeks. I didn't get diagnosed by a doctor, but with all the faint positives that turned into negatives at the end, I would guess so. And even if I'm wrong and I wasn't, there is a part of me that would testify that even thinking you are pregnant only to find out you aren't can be as devastating as a m/c. The hope is still there and so is the heartache. I know its sad, but I'm ok and I'm at terms with it. Its sad that I have grown numb to certain things. My heart is breaking but my head says its reality. I have had 2 confirmed m/c's in the last 2 years and if that is what this was (I'm counting it as such), this makes 3. I will now be on BCP for the next few months until we get established back home, I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of 6 months.

My little boy will be 10 on Wednesday. I can't believe it! Time has flown so fast! He is so big! He has been helping me alot with all the packing. We are almost done. We are going to have a busy week. Thursday we leave for S.C. and won't be back til late Friday, its my step-son's basic training graduation. Then Saturday we will be loading the Uhaul so we can leave early Sunday (around 4a.m.).

I don't know how often I'll make it on here but I wanted to let you all know that you are the greatest friends and supporters and I'm thankful for each of you! Hopefully we will get our internet on quickly once we get there.

Hope No More

AF is here. :(

What a Dream

One might say that I must just be dreaming. I must want this so bad that I'm seeing lines. I must want this so bad that DH sees lines with me. I must want this so bad that I'm now making myself have 'symptoms'. I must be making my temp go up with all the hope, whopping 98.7 this morning.

REALITY: Another test this morning, another NOT PREGNANT result and good ole Spot came. WONDERf*ckingFUL!

The dream was great while it lasted, thinking that my due date would be Nov 13th. Thinking that I might actually be KU without miscarrying. Thinking that this was it, on a 'break' cycle. I didn't realize how bad I wanted this, or how much I really wasn't TAB until this morning. I guess AF must be coming. I would still like to think that at one point in the last 2 weeks I was with child/embryo. I can't be that crazy to see so many faint positives, right? I've decided that if it stays just Spot (crossing fingers), I will still go for Beta, but I really don't see the point since my faint lines are not getting darker and my digi tests are not reading positive...but I will still go, just to see.

**OH and the kicker! My DH's daughter is most likely preggers according to recent conversation.**

Fluke?

Still no AF, and I keep getting faint lines on $ tests. I can't keep buying FRER because I don't want to 'waste' money. I did buy a 5 pk of CBE Digital and took one today, the result? Not Pregnant...

Who knows... I want to keep hope alive because I have still been having post O temps and seeing very faint lines on the $ tests, but part of me says that can't be good. I have been researching a little about non rising HcG levels and there is a lot of reference to ectopic pregnancies. I will go in on Monday for a BPT if no AF.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend...

Verdict In

BFN, BFN, BFN, BFN, BFN, and probably at least 2 more BFNs and 2 or 3 faint positives, I think...

So, I have been temping the last couple days and I have post O temps around 98.4 so I know that I O'd, I must have just O'd later than normal. I am going to keep testing until I get a dark BFP or AF comes, I really don't have a Beta option because it would be out-of-pocket for me and I can't see spending $179 for a blood test, yes, its that high her in my neck of the woods. I have decided that if nothing happens by next Weds, either AF or dark BFP, I will get one done, because I know that even if I O'd late, that would be sufficient time!

Stupid IF and Endo and Fibroid Tumors and and and and and and, why do they do this to us???!

Here's the Story...

**Possible Trigs**

So I am now on what I think to be 16dpo. I got a very faint positive on Sunday night. I know that it was a positive because it showed after only 2 mins and was pink just like the the control line. But being the POASaholic I am, I have probably taken 5 tests since and all have been BFN! WTH!

Normally about 4 days before AF is due, usually around 9 or 10dpo I start spotting on/off until AF shows. This month, NOTHING. Saturday night I started getting my hopes really high and though I saw a BFP but now looking back it may have been an evap line. Then I went to the RR and wiped and there was a little spotting...Great, I thought I was over for the month... But nothing has happened since. NO Spotting, no PMS signs, NOTHING! I am posting a pic of my BFP from Sunday, the line is barely there, but I promise that it was only a few mins after and the 2nd line is pink not gray. So, now what? I don't really have a good dr here and I can't afford to do testing unless I know for sure I am KU. We are moving so I have told myself that this C I will be ok one way or another, but now, my hopes went up, down and all around! I just wish that if I was KU, the tests would keep getting darker and if I'm not, then AF would show!

I have never had a month when I didn't ovulate and I'm pretty sure about the O time, although I can never be 100% sure.....My mind just won't stop! Not good for the POASaholic, TTC heart...

Not for me!

I just got an invite from one of my WebMD friends to join a private board. It looked really weird to me and hard to follow, so I decided to check out the orig 12 mos + board that I used to frequent...NOT FOR ME!

I feel like if I were to stay lurking on those boards they would be very hard to follow. I'm not liking the new look and I think that this is my cue to no longer lurk. Anyone else feel frustrated with the change? Maybe it is just me and the fact that I don't always like change, but I'm just not feeling it anymore.