Yes, I am still alive... hard to believe since it has been so long! I can't believe that I disappeared for so long. I have been reading others blogs daily though, I just haven't found my own inspiration for a post. My life is, get this, somewhat chaotic. I don't know whether I am coming or going half the time. I manage to feel this way without having an outside job, without having a 'real' life...just simply put, living life day by day.
I have sunk into a depression. WHAT?! Yes this infertile is depressed. I have reached an ultimate low. I don't know that any of you are even reading my blog anymore, especially since I haven't posted in 8 mos.... but if you are, I'm sorry that I have pushed you away. You may have been reading my blog or you may have been on my facebook...chances are, you probably aren't doing either. I sunk too a low when it seemed that all I read on facebook were baby/pregnancy updates and I acted a little irrational and deleted everyone related to my IF life. Don't be surprised if you get a friend request from me, I miss my friends! Besides if anyone is pregnant or has a baby, I hope and pray that it is one of you ladies!
The hardest hit to me is when I found out my stepdaughter is preg again. This will now be her 3rd child and her middle one is just over a year and she is already 20 weeks. I have to tell you that I am extremely jealous and hold resentment. When I first came into their lives, my husband and I took care of her oldest child day and night while she still partied and lived out her younger 'all about me' years. Let me tell you, even though some things have changed, not everything has. I just don't know how it is fair for a couple to be ready for a family in every sense of the word and not be able to have one while another couple who is reckless and so self-involved can get knocked up so easily.
Anyway, I am not about to make this a pity party post because I am trying to pick up and drag myself out of the infertility hole that I have dug myself into. I hope that all is well for everyone of you amazing ladies....
PS, Kitty, if you are reading...I have said a million and one prayers for you! :)
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Starting The Year Out Right
I have been looking forward to the New Year for a few months now, I needed a 'fresh start' to change some things in my life. This year has just begun and already I find positives in it. Which, by the way, is my biggest resolution...to find more positive in things and not the negative.
1st - AF arrived after a 33 day cycle, I don't know if I had 1 regular cycle the whole last year. In an ideal 28 day cycle I would have started on New Years Eve, thankfully AF was nice and waited a couple days, but not 60. :) Yes, I can be thankful for AF when it means a normal C. Also, with our financial capabilities, we are not TTC right now but not really preventing, because I realize after 4 years, it isn't really going to matter.
2nd - My husband has done electrical, HVAC, plumbing for more than 15 years and really wanted a job in maintenance to utilize all 3. He applied for a job on base here and GOT it. He started this morning. FULL TIME. He isn't working for the army itself, but the hotel chain on the army. For the past month he was working p/t at Lowes so this is a big relief.
3rd - Last week, his unemployment that was denied was appealed and awarded to him so we got a couple weeks of back pay to help until he gets his first full time check.
4th - I've been checking into work at home companies, but I didn't want to do outgoing calls, just incoming. A couple months ago, a lady from my church told me about the company she has worked for for the last 5 years. I applied immediately since it appeared to be legit since she had been there that long. I was on a wait list and got my email this weekend and an offer for employment. Now I am just waiting for paperwork to be completed, a separate phone line in my home and a few other minor things. So now I get to work also....hopefully soon.
Sorry this post is so long, but I wanted to make sure that I got everything out here before I turn into a Negative Nancy again. Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments and facebook messages. I love you all and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
1st - AF arrived after a 33 day cycle, I don't know if I had 1 regular cycle the whole last year. In an ideal 28 day cycle I would have started on New Years Eve, thankfully AF was nice and waited a couple days, but not 60. :) Yes, I can be thankful for AF when it means a normal C. Also, with our financial capabilities, we are not TTC right now but not really preventing, because I realize after 4 years, it isn't really going to matter.
2nd - My husband has done electrical, HVAC, plumbing for more than 15 years and really wanted a job in maintenance to utilize all 3. He applied for a job on base here and GOT it. He started this morning. FULL TIME. He isn't working for the army itself, but the hotel chain on the army. For the past month he was working p/t at Lowes so this is a big relief.
3rd - Last week, his unemployment that was denied was appealed and awarded to him so we got a couple weeks of back pay to help until he gets his first full time check.
4th - I've been checking into work at home companies, but I didn't want to do outgoing calls, just incoming. A couple months ago, a lady from my church told me about the company she has worked for for the last 5 years. I applied immediately since it appeared to be legit since she had been there that long. I was on a wait list and got my email this weekend and an offer for employment. Now I am just waiting for paperwork to be completed, a separate phone line in my home and a few other minor things. So now I get to work also....hopefully soon.
Sorry this post is so long, but I wanted to make sure that I got everything out here before I turn into a Negative Nancy again. Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments and facebook messages. I love you all and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
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