SPOT no more

AF is here in all her glory, officially the last C of my 2 years. I don't know what is supposed to be next. Officially I am supposed to be at the end of my TTC effort, but I can't give up, not 'til my body gives up. My dr told me 2 years ago that the endo would only stay gone for about a year, maybe 2 tops. He said the lap was just gonna be a "bandaid" and that if we planned on having more children, we needed to "Git R Done". Well, it still hasn't happened, not that we haven't tried....

I can feel the endo all the time and I know that it is getting worse again. I know now that the fibroids are back to and that is the cause of my mid-C bleeding. So now, do we keep going through the Lap and D&C every other year...not to mention the awful Lupron... or do we think about "the end".

I am in a place right now that I'm not going to think about it. I refuse to give up hope, I refuse to go through this pain month after month for this long just to have my girly parts removed and have no chance for another.. After all, we are TTC against the odds...what do I expect? I surely didn't think that this was going to be easy. Well, actually, when we started, I did think it was going to be easy, but that was based on previous experience. I HAVE to say that not willingly I am one of those that has to say: If it happens it happens, if not, we will be ok.... I only say that because of being blessed with 2 beautiful children already... But deep done, I don't know if I will be ok if it doesn't.

Well, for now, I will continue to TTC and I don't know how long I will have this positive hope/faith, but it is there, and it tells me: Maybe it will happen this year...