Another Copy Cat

Yep, thats me.. But I like a good challenge and since I suck at blogging, I am following Dot's lead and doing the 30 blogs in 30 days challenge. Crossing my fingers and praying for the best. Here is what you'll be reading about if you visit my blog in the next 30 days....

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

Here goes nothing. Feel free to be another copy cat yourself... :)

WHY?!

Have you ever asked yourself why? Why you did certain things before or why you do things the way you do now? I'm having one of those days. I can't really say that I regret things that I've done in the past because I am a strong believer that what you did is part of who you become.  But, that said, I do wonder why I made choices that I did and today I just can't seem to pick myself up. I'm reaching a breaking point and I am having a really hard time. I'm not writing this because I want support, but more just because I need to get it out of my system. I'm having a hard day and I just can't pick myself up.

May the Force be with you!

Yep that is what I thought after going to the RR this morning, "may the force be with you". And she is, full force. At least I don't have to wonder when AF is going to show anymore. Score another one for IF and put me closer to the 'done' side. Funny yesterday flow picked up and I counted it as CD1.


Last night as I was laying in bed in pain from the Endo and actually discussing my odd C's with DH, I realized my time is about up before I'm really going to have to seriously think about a hysterectomy. My doctor told me in Feb 2008 the surgery was just a bandaid and I would only have 1 or 2 years to TTC, but he really felt 2 was the max. It's now been 2 1/2 years and there's no telling how many tumors I have in there and the endo is super bad again and now we are thinking PCOS per the irregular cycles...

Did I mention that my mom had to have a hysterectomy because of her cysts? They biopsied and found that they were cancerous and she lost everything in her hysterectomy. She was about to go in for a tubal reversal so that her and her DH could ttc as I was an only child, she didn't get her dream of more children either. I guess I'm doomed to the same fate.

Sorry for the ramble, my brain is working overtime...

I am at a loss....

I have no idea what is going on with my stupid body. I wrote a few days ago that I was seeing AF, well at least that is what I thought. The following is going to be a little TMI so feel free to stop reading...

When I see red, it is when I go to the RR and is usually when I wipe only. However, every once in awhile it seems to be heavy enough to fill the paper and be dripping from me into the toilet, therefore, I think that AF is here and use a tampon. Then when I go to take the tampon out, there is absolutely NOTHING on it, except maybe, maybe the tiniest of drops. What gives. I can go a few days and nothing, then have a day that this happens. Then a couple more of nothing, then again it happens.

Do any of you with PCOS have this? I have been diagnosed with Endo and fibroid tumors, but the bleeding that was caused by my tumors was different. Also, if you've had cysts, does this happen? I have had off/on pain in my lower back/hips to so I was wondering about that.. Any help would be appreciated.

I'm seeing RED!

Literally!
Dang AF!

Last Thursday I saw red, ended up being light spotting for a couple hours and nothing til today... will this follow suit? I'm thinking no since I have had cramps that actually woke me up this morning they were so bad. No I'm seeing red again and seems to be more than last week so probably going to be actual flow..

On another note, I went to another job interview this morning, this makes 9 in the last 2 months, yeah...didn't get the job. Surprise Surprise. Wanna know why?! Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway. Last week they did an article about an office job for the city that had 140 applicants, some with freakin' masters degrees... That is how bad our economy is.. People with MASTERS DEGREES applying for entry level receptionist jobs! How am I supposed to compete with 140 applicants that are probably either equal or better qualified than me! So depressing. That means for every office job that I'm applying for, there is probably at least that many applying for the same one. I decided a couple days ago that if I didn't get a job by the time my kids started school, I'm going back to the trade school and really looking into a different field or trade.

Yuck!

I think I'm on around CD 24, not really sure with the wierd AF last month after 3 mos of not having one. Anyway, for the last week, I have been having severe lower back and both sided hip pain! I'm talking horrible bad, so bad that I've had to take a Lortab to sleep and I have a high pain tolerance thanks to Endo. I didn't even have drugs when having 2 children...thats how bad its hurt. Also, extreme (I don't use that word lightly) tiredness for the last 2 weeks also, I'm talking about the kind when you are in the middle of a conversation and almost nod off. And bad headaches to boot!

Well, last night, gush of bright red ickiness, one time only.. and now today, barely any spotting... so what gives? Has anyone else experienced this? Man TTC makes me feel so ignorant when it comes to my body. I feel like I know nothing!

Hope

I received this award from Sherry, thank you very much!!!

Here what you need to do ! Put that picture up that one up there on your blog and blog about one thing you're happy about right now and one thing that you're hoping for in the future. You are acknowledging something that's making you smile right now and also putting out there that you have hope for thing one amazing thing to happen in the future, for you to bring you even more happiness! oh and then you have to pass this award onto anyone who you believe would benefit from looking at their surroundings, their life now and finding happiness in it !

One thing I am happy about now is... I feel like even though we don't have alot of money and there always seems to be more than we can handle, somehow, me and DH always make it work and we are always ok... I guess that I owe that to an awesome God who loves us. I am also happy that the children I have get along so well, they hardly ever fight and have an incredible bond between them. I am also happy to have been able to spend this time home with them even though it has been stressful not having a job and more money.

One thing that I am hoping for the future is... Obviously since this is my TTC blog, I would hope for a very healthy pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby... But besides that, I just hope for continued happiness. I have been to the lowest of low in my life over the past years, and I really just hope that with God's help I can see my blessings and feel thankful for them.


Now, Full of Hope, I nominate....

Leah (SIF)

Robin

Erin

Thanks again Sherry!