Can you believe it?

I DIDN'T test this morning. Not that I didn't want to, I have been dying to. But, I went to Dollar General last night since that is the only place in our little town that I can get $$ HPTs and they had no more. I am pretty cheap and refuse to spend a lot on HPTs, mainly because if I spend a lot and it comes up BFN, I feel like I wasted money. I'm not sure when I'll be able to test again, hopefully soon or I'll have to break down and pay high dollar... I know, I'm cheap!

Honest!

Thanks E!!!!
This award comes with some rules as well:

1) Thank the person who gave you the award. List their blog and link to it. (Yep)
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself. (See below.)
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have I encouraged you. (Also below.)
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award. (Shortly...)


1. I have never met some of my best friends ever!
2. I have so many high hopes every month until I see pink/red
3. The love for my children is never-ending
4. I love my DH more than I ever thought was possible
5. I'm scared everyday about what is in my future
6. I miss my family in UT so much it hurts!
7. I love being a Stay At Home Mom.
8. I am a POASaholic
9. I am very quick tempered, but can forgive most things
10. I am a good cook

Okay....I nominate......

Dot
Sherry
Christina
Kitty
Gabsy
Kristen
Caitlin

50th Post - Insane in the Membrane

Someone seriously needs to do an intervention with me and HPTs. I mean now!! I see lines...don't know if they are really there or evap or what... Seems to me if they were true positives they would get darker. This morning I saw a line (faint) on a dollar store HPT. This was with FMU and at 4:30am. I saw the faint line through tired, cold-mess eyes. I was so happy that I couldn't sleep and when my DH was up and getting ready for work, I asked him if he saw it...he did too. But at this point 2 hrs had passed and it started to look more like an evap line, even though when I saw it the first time it was about 7 mins after.

Well, the POASaholic that I am, I had to take another one...good thing that I always buy them in bulk and had another one.. But this time...NO LINE.... So now what.... is a line a line or was I seeing things through blurry eyes and DH seeing an evap line? AGHHHH! How long should I wait to retest. I hate to get my hopes up. Especially since I don't even know for sure that I O'd this month....but I have never not O'd. I have had a couple of REALLY long cycles though...like 50 days...and I'm on CD31 now. I have had no spotting whatsoever so I don't think AF is around the corner but not sure if she should be or now, most C's are between 27-30 days on a normal basis. And for a BPT we would have to pay out of pocket as no coverage for this.

Like I said, I seriously need an intervention!!! Even though I'm trying my hardest to relax...I CAN'T!

One is the Loneliest Number....

Being that I am a POASaholic and have no idea when/if I ovulated this C, I have been POAS for the last 3 days and will continue to do so because that is just the way I am. Now, if the HPTs would just cooperate and give me the much needed 2 lines rather than leaving one lonely line, that would be GREAT! So in order to achieve my goal I have written the following letter...

Dear God of the HPTs,
   Please send some magical baby dust and sticky vibes and let there be 2 lines, my HPTs are starting to feel bad with only 1 line. And quite frankly, I'm starting to feel bad too!!! Oh, and if you could please be oh so kind to help me throw away BFNs immediately and not keep them around to look at an hour later only to find evaporation lines...that would be awesome.. In fact, you could just do away with the evaporation line so that I can pawn over my HPT for hours and hours trying to find the 2nd line without any confusion.. Your cooperation would be appreciated!
Signed,
Sick of  seeing 1 line

Oh Dear

Well, first and foremost, I want to tell you THANK YOU for your kindness and prayers! DH came home today...NO surgery...kind of. He did have to do another endoscopy, where they take the tube down your throat and they stretched his esophagus again for the 14th time. They also saw a part of the stomach in the corner that was very red and inflammed so they biopsied it, I don't know when we will get the results. He has to go back next week for the colonoscopy. His CT scan checked out normal. The only bw that was bad was his white blood count was really high which means infection, they gave him IV antibiotics. They didn't send him home with any type of medicine which is weird to me... I have a call in to the dr office and just waiting for them to call back to see when the f/u is and if they are supposed to be giving medicine..

This all was so weird. He went in for a normal check up to a new doctor since he hadn't been seen in a few years and he has been having alot of issues with his stomach and esophagus. Because of his history and symptoms and vitals, they sent him straight over to the hospital. Now I wonder if they didn't over-react just a little. He has been having to deal with this kind of stuff for over 20 years with the Crohns. We just have to get a little better on the diet that he is supposed to follow, it is really hard for him!

too much

I can't sleep. It's 12:40 a.m. and I just got home from the hospital, they are keeping DH overnight. He has Crohns and some other GI problems and now there is something new going on. They said something about fluid in the lining of his stomach and that his stomach may have moved to the side again....so he will most likely need surgery. The doctor he is seeing is great, she works a lot of hours and is very personable and even gave us her cell number in case we needed anything. Of course, I won't use it most likely, but her thoughts are worth alot.

I can honestly say that I'm scared. Scared for him and what is going to happen and what he is going to have to go through. He has already had his esophagus stretched 13 times and a surgery where they take some stomach lining and wrap the esophagus and they have done a surgery when his stomach ended up under his rib cage. Now this. His family also has a history of colon cancer and that scares me.

And then, the part that makes me feel guilty to say aloud: What will me and the kids do if something were to happen? I know that is incredibly selfish, but I need him. He is my rock.

This is an eye opener and it definitely makes me 2nd guess whether we really need to be TTC. I don't want to bring another baby in this world only to the possibility that one of the parents is ill and only one of us can take care of it. Is that fair? Knowing all of his medical problems and still TTC?

Heres praying, hoping and crossing my fingers that he won't need surgery and that just the antibiotics will work the magic.

Open to All

Just wanted to write a quick blog to let you know that I have figured out how to enable my blog to allow comments written by those without a blog. I have a few followers that weren't able comment before and now should be able to....

Happy Blogging