My Furbabies

Even though I feel like CRAP because of AF and she is really kicking my ass, I couldn't help but get tickled at my furbabies this morning. They were laying how they normally do, all over each other and hugging...but this time I was able to get my camera without waking them and them moving. Let me tell you they are the laziest puppies I've ever seen. They sleep or lay around all day, the only time they really "play" is from about 2:00am-8:00am. No joke! I love 'em though. They are mostly outdoor dogs, but we let them in for a little while at a time. By the way, them on the couch...TEMPORARY. They are getting too big and I don't want my furniture ruined.

Back with a Vengence

Well, I guess after having the last 2 months fairly decent and getting false hope this month really backfired for me this month! She is back, and with a vengence!!!!!!!!! I have already medicated with 3 different kinds of relievers and nothing has touched the pain or even came close. Not to mention that I have all kinds of GI problems because of the endo, "It ain't lookin' pretty, son!"... On to cycle...???? can't remember.... 18 mos trying now.

My Bubble Burst Again

I was starting to get very hopeful this C....the longest luteal phase I have had, 14 days. Usually they are only 12 days, but I've been taking Vit B complex for awhile. Well, followed by a "few" BFNs....AF is making her appearance slowly. I've been spotting all day. Only the spotting has been kind of weird, more orangy/brown than light pink...I don't even know if that makes sense, but it is what it is... So there it is, the big bubble idea I had, BURST!

Now the big decision.... Continue TTC or give it up, I go through this every month when AF hits. Part of me wants to give it up to get rid of disappointment, but the other part knows it will still be there and I'll feel empty.. And we have come this far, its hard to give it up.

To my other decision, I will still be blogging, but no more WebMD boards.... I have shyed away the last couple weeks and the reasoning is, I'm just not feeling it any more. I get a lot more out of reading blogs, I think that it is because they follow lives, not just the TTC part. I feel more connected to my fellow TTC'ers. And honestly, I smile more reading blogs than posts on WebMD.

Hi, My Name is Tanya....

And I am a POAS'aholic. I have a problem... I am 10-12 dpo and I'm itching to POAS. I did POAS earlier today, not with FMU, but nonetheless, same result of BFN!!!!!! I don't know why I torture myself! I know that it is going to be a BFN but yet, I just can't seem to wait for AF, I have to be disappointed twice, once with the BFN and again with AF!

Empty Nest

Now that school has been back in for 2 weeks here, I have had the house all to myself. At first it was ok, but that was because I was keeping myself busy trying to get into school. Now, I have this big empty house with just me in it. I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to see. There aren't really any job prospects here so finding something p/t that fits our schedule is going to be hard.

Not to mention that I'm driving myself batty with nonstop reading of TTC material and analyzing myself on numerous levels. I really need to find something else to occupy some of my time! If I knew anyone in this area, I would offer to babysit a few kids during the day, something I never wanted to do before, but no kind of sounds like something that would be ok.

The whole staying at home thing is kind of new to me because I have always had to work to support me, Alex, and Breyna. Thats different now, cause I'm not doing everything by myself. Over the summer it was great cause I got to spend time with the kids. But now, I clean and cook new things and watch daytime TV and stay on the computer....thats it. I need some ideas. Any other ladies stay at home wives that are into certain crafts or hobbies that help pass the time? I'm afraid with as much free time as I have, all I focus on is why I can't get pregnant and even though that is our goal, I want to focus on something more.

T - T - Tuesday

I have had bronchitis ever since I was in the hospital with my son, JULY 21st!!!! Something about walking in the hospital healthy and leaving sick that gets to me. And it always happens, even when I'm the visitor and not the patient. I am sick of being sick! It doesn't do well for TTC. It doesn't do well for neither BD'ing or FD'ing. I am 6DPO today so I am down to the 1WW and who knows, I'm not feeling all that possible about it but still hopeful. I was taking Mucinex for the chest congestion and I am hoping it served dual purposes.

Things didn't work out for me to go to school this year, I have to work on some "issues" and hopefully get a p/t job until next year. In an ideal world I could find somewhere hiring from 8-2:30 daily....we'll see. I wish that I knew of a reputable company that would hire me to work from home, there are too many scams out there though, you have to be careful.

I have been horrible at blogging lately, but I just haven't been feeling the whole TTC game lately. I have been following all my blogs lately though and find some kind of peace and comfort from each of them. There are some strong women out there, and the strongest are on my list! I want to send a special thanks to each of you, without you and your blogs, I don't know what I would do.

Waitin'

Just waitin' on the O... Funny how we always say that TTC is just a game of waiting... Waiting to O, waiting through the TWW, then waiting to test, or waiting for AF....just so we can do it all over again. I'm hoping to O sometime before CD20...I like having my normal C's back and the last 2 have been great. I'm hoping to be on a streak.

On other news.... I have exhausted my unemployment and there are no jobs in my area, guess medical billing wasn't the smartest thing to learn.. So I have been looking into going back to tech school to either do Cosmetology, which would take 1 year...I think we could do without my income for that long. Or nursing, which I really want to do, but would take 2 years and I'm not sure we could handle being on 1 income for that long. Also, I will have to TAB while in school because it would be pointless for me to start something in the off chance that I do get KU. Not that I have high chances of that, but I'm always hoping! I do know that I better decide quickly because tomorrow I am going in to take the entrance test and register and all that...

Decisions, Decisions..