Whats Next?

So I called the dr office this morning to get the result of my Hcg thinking that it would be lower than the 3800 on Saturday's trip to the ER... Yeah, it was 5380. Didn't double in 3 days and apparently my body thinks that I'm pregnant even though there is nothing in the sac and stil really low number. So, I get to go back to the doctor on Weds, Dec 1st and for another check and the possibility of a D&C.... Just keeps getting better and better.... :(

FML

Empty Sac. 'Nuff said.

:*(

Because I'm Me....

Before I tell you why I titled the post, I have to tell you all Thank you for being there for me and I know that these posts are not easy to read for my TTC friends. Thank you so much for your continued support. Now hold on to your britches for some more trigs.

I am in complete denial. Wanna know why? Cause even after my last post, the flow never took off. It has only been a spot on/off for the last 5 days and yes mostly it has been that light orangy/pink and once in awhile it is more red, but it hasn't flowed to my pad. So I'm in Denial!

You wanna know something else?! Right now, I'M PREGNANT and regardless of what happens this afternoon at the doctor appointment, I'm pregnant right now. And I'm still dreaming of holding my little one and giving it lots of loves and I'm not ready to give that up. So, just because I'm crazy and in denial, I had to take another test to assure me that I am still pregnant.

That's right, no matter what happens this afternoon, I will treasure these two lines and the way I feel right now. I made it farther this time than with my other m/c and I have a sliver of hope.

Tears are Flowing

And thats not the only thing. :*(   Just forget my post from last night.

I guess reality is slapping me with the biggest stick on earth. I am bleeding, not heavily, but bright red with some small clots. This is going to get worse. I'm losing another baby. As much as I try to prepare myself mentally or as much as I try to keep faith, this just doesn't get easier.

Since I'm doing a 'poor me' post, I just realized that I'm going to be full on m/c by the time Thanksgiving comes... WONDERFUL >: (

Thank you all for your support and kind advice/words.

Hope

I still have a little bit left in me. Even after last night. I went to the ER, they had to call a radiologist in, she did the u/s and left and her boss sent the report in to the doctor. It read that is was an early gestational pregnancy that would probably a m/c. And I have 2 cysts, one on each ovary. The doctor said that my hcg is only 3800. He seems to think that I'm going to m/c, but somewhere in me I have this hope. I never had it before, but I have it now.

I asked him point blank if there was any chance I wouldn't m/c. I told him that I didn't want to get my hopes under false pretense but that I also didn't want to give up if there was a hope, he said there is a slim possibility and I would have to wait it out until my appt Tuesday with my dr. So now I wait. The bleeding stopped last night, but now as I sit here and type this at 2:30 a.m., it is back, the same as yesterday, not heavier, just the same.

I may have this spark of hope and it could result in nothing. If I m/c, this may mean the end. If I already have 2 cysts, they will probably start talking to me about the hysterectomy that seems inevitable. I'm really trying to keep my faith, but I'm finding it so hard!

update

My spotting is more. It still isn't enough to flow into my panties or where a liner but it is thick when I go to the RR and it is more Pinkish Red...Not bright a real light dull pink/red.

I called the clinic and they only have after hours at the family practice urgent care and they wouldn't have a vag u/s machine and stated they don't generally see threatening m/c, they just send you to a local ER. So I think I'm gonna try and wait and see if it gets any worse or possible goes away. I may end up going to the ER to be checked but honestly, I am more scared to go and have them tell me I might be m/c than being in denial and having hope....

Should I be worried since it isn't really a flow and just seems to be accummulating for when I wipe?  Also, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have had absolutely no cramping at all.

Lost

Lost in thoughts and lost in heart. It came to my attention yesterday that I just haven't been around, thanks Sherry...

I am having a hard time getting on here and posting what I'm scared of for fear of upsetting someone. In my last post I told you my dr thinks that I was only around 5 wks and the sac was developing. In my opinion, not an MD, I should be further than that and I wonder if I have an empty sac. I'm so scared. I have been spotting off/on for a week very sporadic and mostly nothing. But today, is a little different. A little more. Still not what I would say is even a light flow, but spotting none the less. Friends who have been preg previously please help, whether you had a m/c or a baby in the end, I need input. It isn't bright red or dark red. It is more of a light orange red. Have any of you experienced this. With my 2 kids, I didn't spot at all and with my m/c, it was red and more.... HELP...

Sorry this is another preg post.