Many Thanks

First of all, I wanted to say Thank You to everyone for the Birthday wishes!!! It really made my day that much brighter!

Second, I got nominated for this award by someone I don't even know, but someone is has been very supportive to me. Thank you Rach!!!!!! This is my first blog award and it actually made me feel really good. I have a lot of nominees for this award, I hope thats ok!

1. Dot - Hopes and Dreams

2. Kitty - The life and times of Kit Von D

3. E - Hope in Briarrose

4. Caitlin- If You Only Knew

5. Allison - Allison's Wonderland

6. Christina - My life

7. Sherry - What a Shame

8. Misty - If at first you don't succeed

There are so many more that I follow and they are listed on my side panel, so, if you would like to accept the award, please go with it because you all have lovely blogs to me!!

It's my Bday, I'll whine if I want to....

Yeah you know, its my post and I'll TRIG if I want to....
possible TRIGS ahead




So today I'm 29. I can't explain why, but I have went through so many emotions in the last week and I know it must have something to do with today. I mean, when I was little, I never thought about the fact that whenI grew up and I wanted to get KU I would be having such a tough time. I'm blessed with 2 children and maybe thats it for me. I have these ideas about everything I wanted to have done by the time I turned 30. One of those things was to be done having children. As much as I love my 2 children, I really would have liked to have more. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, especially to those that are my TTC friends..I'm not trying to hurt anyones feelings or be ungrateful. It is because I love my children so much and have so much more love to give that I say that.

Anyway, I guess with all the thinking going on and not being anywhere near giving up yet, I find myself thinking over my life plan and I keep on adjusting it to this TTC issue. I am now accepting to the fact that I may not reach my goal of being done by 30, but now I have to decide how far I will go...anyone else have a life plan that keeps getting changed by the TTC mess?

How Much More?

This month is our 18th month TTC. It is also my 29th birthday next week. I have had a really hard time for the past few months. Every time AF shows I get further down emotionally.. Every time I see one of my TTC sisters hurt, sad, or depressed, I get further down emotionally.. I know that I'm not strong enough to continue on this journey.

When do I call it quits? I have seriously thought about it for months now because I see the effects IF is having on our relationship, on my emotional health, and just everyday life. I am in such admiration and determination because of the women on WebMd....but I'm starting to feel like they can only pull me up so far, this is on me and I just don't know if I have it in me. I saw inspirational awards going around, and I feel like every woman I follow is an inspiration...but me personally, what do I have to offer? If you would have talked to me and my DH last year, he would have begged me to quit putting myself through this. But now that we have been through at least 2 known m/c, he is not ready to give up. So when do I call it? How much can I take? What is my breaking point?

TTC has consumed my life. I live for TTC milestones, taking daily temps, O'ing, checking CM, 2WW, and of course POAS. I read on a fellow bloggers page that she was in a Crisis of Faith, oh how I can relate! I am feeling like it is a daily thing that part of my spiritual self just chips away. I have always considered myself to have a lot of faith in things and in people but lately I just feel like I don't have very much of a reason to have faith. I mean, I still have the same beliefs as before, but I just can't understand why things are the way they are!

I have to find common ground with the world and put a deadline on my TTC dreams. I have to set a date that Enough is Enough. And, I have to agree to stop, before it ruins all I have in me.

Hump Day

Hump Day today = 2 meanings!
1. Obviously its Wednesday
2. I'm half way through with AF....

On CD3 currently and honestly the cramping and evilness of AF came the days before she came when I started spotting. All in all I can't complain, just wallow in self-pity that it wasn't my C again!

So, while I was at the hospital with my boy, I must have gotten the icky germs because I got sick and now it has developed into Bronchitis. Gotta love how you can walk into a hospital or clinic well and come out sick....

Anyway, nothing else new to report. I'm still grumpy and ill about not being KU but I'll get over it by the time I 'O' and then I will be able to obsess during the 2WW again.

False Hope

You would think that after so long TTC that you could look at a HPT and know that there is either 1 line or 2 lines. Not for this TTC'er, I see faint lines..often...I am tricking myself I know only to be disappointed!! Yes, I know, I need to be smacked with some kind of reality stick and just realize that it isn't gonna happen, but I'm not ready to give up! I am 11DPO and I am now spotting but at 9DPO I caved in and took a test, yes I saw a shadow of a line in the time frame and so did DH. Yesterday, I still saw a shadow line, but it actually looked lighter than the day before and I started cramping reallllllllly bad..so I'm figuring if anything, probably a chemical pregnancy..right?! Man, why did I test? If I wouldnt have, I wouldn't have seen a line and gotten me and DH's hopes up again. Now I'm just waiting for AF with the undying hope that she will get lost and won't show for about 280 days...he he.. Could I get so lucky? Probably not. :( Still crossing my fingers though.

Almost situated..

First thing is first, I have to brag on the fact that I am finally back to a normal Cycle after 7 mos. I O'd on CD 16 and should have about a 27 day C!!!!!! Haven't had one since November! YAY!

Now, to the title....almost situated. I hate to be so settled into my new home but at the same time, still so many things that are unsettled. We have internet...YAY, but I need to get a new wireless router so I can use my laptop. See my desktop is so old and slow that I pretty much can't do anything on it and its only purpose really is for the kids to use and for the cable modem to be hooked up to. I can't post on WebMD because it freezes on me and I'm going through serious withdrawals...so to all you WebMD friends, I'm still here and miss you all! I can't really follow blogs because after clicking maybe 2-3 blogs, my computer freezes! Gotta love that. But I'm not complaining too much because at least I have something.

POSSIBLE *Trigs* ALERT! On another note, I wanna through out many hugs to a friend going through another m/c. Kristen, you are in my thoughts and prayers!

I miss everyone and hope to be back on the boards/blogs soon! Many thoughts go out to each of you!

nothin' new TTC wise..but

So it has been a very uneventful C thus far. I'm on CD8 and I must admit that since my m/c in May, my last 2 AF visits have actually been bearable. With my endo and fibroids I generally have 3 Hell Days that I just can't stand, literally. But the last 2 C's, I have only had AF visit for 3 days and they have been fairly light to medium, no huge cramps either....I don't know what to think about this but I'm thankful. However with such light AF, I am worried about my lining. Guess I'll have to wait and see what this C brings.

On other news, we are moving. We currently live in Enterprise, AL and my husband works about an hour away, so we have decided that it would save us big to move closer. The house we are moving to is a lot better than where we live now and comes with so many benefits! To check out benefits and pictures, check out my non-TTC blog: www.foreverinbama.blogspot.com.

Well, this is all for now... Guess I could hope that no news is good news!