Ending This Year

This is my ending post to 2011. Goodbye, see ya, hasta la vista, arvoire, caio...etc...etc...etc. I have seen 3 m/c's this year, not something that I ever thought would be possible.

I have been lost for a few months, there is a reason for that. I am DEPRESSED, I can't get out of this funk. I moved back to AL, which I love AL, but I miss my family, and mostly, my stability. When we were in UT, we owned our home, both worked, both had vehicles and got by...we weren't rich, but we were able to go out when I forgot to thaw out meat.

The last few months, I have had no luck finding a job. The job that my husband transferred with turned sour almost immediately after we got here. They were giving him less than p/t hours when he was supposed to be f/t and he was officially without a job on Thanksgiving day. What does that mean for our family of 4? Great humbleness and relying on the Lord (which we have always done), but also relying on help from our church and government...which I hate! I don't even know how we pulled off Christmas and our bills but the Lord works in mysterious ways. We are in the worse way financially that I have ever seen. My DH is now working p/t but getting almost f/t hours, but it isn't good pay and I'm on never-ending interviews.

This is not a pity post by any means, just reasoning as to why I haven't been posting and why I'm ready for a new year with a fresh start. We found out today that my DH got his unemployment appeal in his favor for the few weeks that he wasn't working and I keep my faith that one of us will at least land a good full time job. With all of this, you can imagine that I haven't even thought of TTC. I would never want to consume my time with that while I feel that I can barely make it with our family now. Much love to all of you that still read (don't know if anyone is left). I still read daily and comment on occasion all of your blogs. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that your dreams come true in 2012.

Advice requested, not IF related

I am moving back to Alabama on Sept 20th. This will probably make my children about a month behind in school. Also, we don't know exactly where we will be living permanently. I am trying to find out how I can home-school for at least this year as to not traumatize them so much. I have the ability to home school, but have no clue where to get started. I have done a little googling, but I'm asking for help from my teacher friends and fellow mothers or anyone else who has anything to tell me. I'm hoping to find something that is little to no cost. Any info would help, thank you.

Gone Again

I spent most of today in the doctor office and then the hospital cancer center. Yesterday I went in for my follow up u/s and bloodwork. Still NOTHING in my uterus and my labs showed 3825 barely double in a whole week. At this point something should have shown.

My doctor called me in this morning and did the internal check and it was determined that instead of letting this embryo continue in my tube and it bursting and possibly causing more infertility issues, we needed to opt for Methotrexate, which is a Chemotherapy drug used to terminate an ectopic pregnancy. I had to go to the infusion center at the hospital cancer center to get the injections. One in each hip. It should start to take effect in the next couple of days. I go back in Friday to see if my HcG has started to drop.

FML FML FML FML FML FML FML

There is a reason...

Not a good one, but definitely a reason that I haven't wanted to get on here and update. Its because I'm scared SHITLESS! So I went to the dr last Monday, I love him by the way. He ordered another beta: 1777, it doubled but over 5 days...he said that was ok still. I also was ordered an u/s to see what was going on. At this point it is a guess to how far along I was/am. I am thinking 6 weeks as of yesterday per my blood test on 7/20. Based on when I bled last month, they guesstimate 7 weeks.

But, they couldn't see anything on the u/s, not a sac, not nothing! So.... I either tested way early and it isn't there yet, or I may possibly have an ectopic pregnancy. I am ordered for another u/s on Monday to see if there is anything there or if they need to look further to my tubes. However, I think this is strange because she caught pics of my ovaries so I would think if there was a mass in my tubes she whould have saw it?!? JMO. Anyway, the doc said that my numbers are raising and pretty normally and that they are in normal range so therefore he knows there should be something there, but not sure where.....

So that is my update... I'm pregnant but don't really know where the little shit is. Oh and I have been spotting for a week now, only when I wipe and it is mostly a brownish color, but still there. I am also on Prog 3 times a day now too..

final Beta

So yesterday's numbers:

HCG: 815
Progesterone: 6.8

My progesterone isn't going up much, I'm praying they will double my dose or something. My hcg didn't quite double but it wasn't quite 3 days so I'm still within norms there. I'm still worried though and this didn't help.

*update*

I called my original doc office and asked very nicely for them to put my worries at ease with one more HCG and a progesterone test to make sure it is doing its job. They obliged. I went in and will have results tomorrow after 9:00 mtn time. I'm still keeping my appt at the other office though.

Worry is setting in...

I started spotting this morning, only when wiping, but still spotting. I made an appt with a new dr for Monday, Aug 1st. I do know that at this appt, they probably won't be doing an u/s, they don't tend to do that until the 2nd appt. Part of me wants to go to the flippin ER just to see what is going on, but it is too pricey...I feel like I don't get 'personalized' care at the clinic I'm going to now.

I am still taking 200 mg of Progesterone and I actually asked the nurse if I should take more because of my weight and how low it initially was and they weren't willing, nor are they willing to retest the progesterone.

So now I am worrying that this will end up like last November. Numbers were good initially for HCG and progesterone was low, then the spotting didn't set in for weeks. I'm worried and its all I think about.