I will try to keep up with all my blogs, but that will have to happen after 5:00p.m. (mst). I pray that this day is good and that I will be ok, it is so weird to be going to work after 3 years. I must admit that I got used to being in my sweats and taking the kids to the bus stop. I hope they are ok going by themselves. I still have time to get them ready in the morning, but I have to trust them to go to the bus on their own. This is the time for changes, and here's hoping they are good ones!
**On another note, I spent 4 hours in the ER again yesterday, but not for me. This time it was my DH. His esophagus collapsed again and he couldn't even swallow water so they had to go in and balloon it out. They are going to do it again in a few weeks to see if they can get it any more open. I hate that he has so many GI problems (Crohns, diverticulosis and recurring acid/esophagus issues). I love him and I want him to be well.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Happy Again
I'm not going to say that I haven't been happy in the last 3 years, but this week has definitely been the best week among those last 3 years. I feel like I have a life again, not just a life, but a chance for a happy life. I guess I didn't realize how depressed I was being a stay-at-home-mom until my DH made a comment that he finally has his wife back. I guess living through this depression is kinda like having beer goggles on but in reverse. Sure I have felt sad and down more days than not, but I didn't realize that it consumed me.
I get to start my job on Monday. My background check through the agency cleared so I can start. It is going to be so nice to be able to have money left over after paying bills, sometimes right now I wonder where the crap we are getting money to pay bills. One bonus to the job is they offer free insurance to the employee, it isn't for the family, but it gives me double insurance so if I need to have a hysterectomy, I may not have to pay very much or any at all.
One thing that does get me down is I have put on 60 pounds in the last 3 years, yep 60! I don't really have many clothes that fit me and I need to dress up a little, not overly so, but not jeans either. I've decided that when they paychecks come in, I will need to buy a few clothes items but I don't want alot because I want to lose this weight. Until then, I'm going to have to be creative with my clothes and they may see the same thing more than once a week.
My husband also got a little more on his check than we thought this week so he is taking us out to eat tonight.. It is definitely going to be a treat! We have been stretching every penny so it'll be nice. I even bought the kids Halloween costumes last year after Halloween and got them on clearance, I pd $2 for Alex's and $0.80 for Breyna's. And they still fit them! Things are finally looking up.
I get to start my job on Monday. My background check through the agency cleared so I can start. It is going to be so nice to be able to have money left over after paying bills, sometimes right now I wonder where the crap we are getting money to pay bills. One bonus to the job is they offer free insurance to the employee, it isn't for the family, but it gives me double insurance so if I need to have a hysterectomy, I may not have to pay very much or any at all.
One thing that does get me down is I have put on 60 pounds in the last 3 years, yep 60! I don't really have many clothes that fit me and I need to dress up a little, not overly so, but not jeans either. I've decided that when they paychecks come in, I will need to buy a few clothes items but I don't want alot because I want to lose this weight. Until then, I'm going to have to be creative with my clothes and they may see the same thing more than once a week.
My husband also got a little more on his check than we thought this week so he is taking us out to eat tonight.. It is definitely going to be a treat! We have been stretching every penny so it'll be nice. I even bought the kids Halloween costumes last year after Halloween and got them on clearance, I pd $2 for Alex's and $0.80 for Breyna's. And they still fit them! Things are finally looking up.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Back on the Saddle
I got the news today that I got a job, one that I really wanted. It is a casemanager position working for Cath.olic Comm.unity Ser.vices. They have a grant program that is supposed to help prevent people from becoming homeless and also to help those who are already homeless. I will be working very closely with them to find resources in the community and help with the rent expenses for short times. I have done this work before for a different agency on a different scale and I'm so excited to get back to a non-profit organization and doing a job where I will be able to help others become self-sufficient. If you want to check it out click CCS Utah.
I'm not Catholic and I'm not really sure how much the religion has an influence on the agency, I know that many churches and grants go into funding it..but I'm really excited. I will have my own office and it will be a full time M-F job.
All I have to do now is go in and fill out all the paperwork including for the background check that can take from 3 bus days to 2 weeks and as soon as that comes back I will get my start date. I am going to die of anticipation until it happens, I am so ready to get back to work.
I'm not Catholic and I'm not really sure how much the religion has an influence on the agency, I know that many churches and grants go into funding it..but I'm really excited. I will have my own office and it will be a full time M-F job.
All I have to do now is go in and fill out all the paperwork including for the background check that can take from 3 bus days to 2 weeks and as soon as that comes back I will get my start date. I am going to die of anticipation until it happens, I am so ready to get back to work.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Love for Christina
Please send any love and support to Christina. She is going through a real tough mess right now. I know how much she has shown support to me and my heart is breaking for her. She will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers!
Friday, October 15, 2010
My Candle
Here is the candle that I lit at 7:00p.m. tonight in memory of the miscarriages I have had and the losses that my dear friends have had. I would light it even if I hadn't suffered loss myself but tonight I let in the memories that I pushed out of my mind and I brought all of them back and I'm facing a hard night. But I'm ok. I believe that we are all ok. We will meet our angels again.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Trip to the ER
Yep, I went to the ER last night. Apparently that sharp pain that radiated just above my va-jay-jay and went all through me was a cyst bursting. I'm on CD57, no spotting or midcycle bleeding thus far but its an extra long C again. Last night I sat down at my computer chair to catch up on email/blogging/FB and pain set in so bad I hardly made it to my bedroom without the kids noticing. I hate drs and ERs and everytime I probably needed to go, I haven't. I was in so much pain I told my DH to get me there. I called my lovely mom who was at work and she met us there so she could take my kids home with her and I waited to be seen.
This all happened around 8:00p.m. and I got home a little after midnight. So what did they do in 4 hours? NOTHING! This is why I don't go to the flippin' emergency room or clinic. They didn't even do an ultrasound or a check or anything. They took some blood to make sure I wasn't pregnant, but I already told them I wasn't and I should know since I take a Gazillion tests in hope each month. Then, 4 hours later, they gave me a shot of pain med and said to come back if it got worse or I was bleeding. NICE. Thank you for a $100 ER visit to get a pain med shot. I should have stayed home and took a flippin' Lortab that I have already. I don't doubt there diagnosis since I've been thinking about PCOS a lot this year with the 2-3 month cycles, but can you at least check me or do an ultrasound for hell sake?
And to be completely honest, I'm avoiding the OBGYN at all costs because deep down, I know that its time to get serious about a hysterectomy and I can't even handle that emotionally right now.
This all happened around 8:00p.m. and I got home a little after midnight. So what did they do in 4 hours? NOTHING! This is why I don't go to the flippin' emergency room or clinic. They didn't even do an ultrasound or a check or anything. They took some blood to make sure I wasn't pregnant, but I already told them I wasn't and I should know since I take a Gazillion tests in hope each month. Then, 4 hours later, they gave me a shot of pain med and said to come back if it got worse or I was bleeding. NICE. Thank you for a $100 ER visit to get a pain med shot. I should have stayed home and took a flippin' Lortab that I have already. I don't doubt there diagnosis since I've been thinking about PCOS a lot this year with the 2-3 month cycles, but can you at least check me or do an ultrasound for hell sake?
And to be completely honest, I'm avoiding the OBGYN at all costs because deep down, I know that its time to get serious about a hysterectomy and I can't even handle that emotionally right now.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Work Woes
Ok, so I'm about to post a novel about work frustration, or the lack thereof.. Hopefully I won't bore you too bad.
I have always worked full time in a clerical/billing setting and loved it. In Jan 2005 I got my dream job. I worked at the non-profit hospital doing financial assistance for patients who couldn't pay their bills due to lack of insurance or just poverty stricken. I loved it. Then a job came open to be a Medicare biller, I thought I would love to learn it as it would further advance me. I caught on quick and loved it. In Jan 2008, just after meeting my 'now' husband, my ex's family showed up on my doorstep on a Sunday night. Things were not good as my ex is not legally here in the US and I have always been afraid that he could at anytime try to take my kids and run and I would never be able to find them. Anyway, back to that night. It was kinda nerve racking and I had to make a decision to either stay and chance that or have the opportunity to move to Alabama with my husband. I chose the latter. I talked to my boss that Monday morning and let him know how sorry I was, but I couldn't leave a notice, I explained the situation and he seemed very empathetic and I thought things were ok. There were 4 other billers that could take my work until he got someone new. I even spoke to him a few times after and never felt anything wrong. While I don't like leaving without giving notice, my fears of our family safety overpowered that.
Fast forward to today. I have been on numerous interviews and even applied for my old job. I haven't gotten any of these jobs and I got a denial email on the one for my old job, no interview. Then I received a couple emails from a few different friends that also work there and they pretty much said not to use him as a reference and one even asked me to make sure I wasn't using him as a reference. I knew something was wrong at this point but I thought that I had covered my bases. So, I emailed him to see. No response. I emailed him again and apologized once more that I had to leave the way I did and offered an even more in depth apology. No response. I'm not getting a job and its because of him. I emailed the HR lady to see why I didn't qualify for an interview for the job I once held and she responded it is because the hiring manager doesn't wish to interview me..guess who the hiring manager is..that's right old boss. I'm being black-balled from everything I apply for now even though I thought things were squared away.
I understand his frustration with me or him not wanting to hire me back, but he has obviously bad-mouthed me to coworkers because of the emails they sent me. I feel awful. Doesn't it matter that for the time I was there, I never once called in sick and I went beyond my own duties to help out others. I was a good employeed and even other supervisors there have offered to be a reference. Do I not deserve a 2nd chance? How would you feel in this situation?
I have always worked full time in a clerical/billing setting and loved it. In Jan 2005 I got my dream job. I worked at the non-profit hospital doing financial assistance for patients who couldn't pay their bills due to lack of insurance or just poverty stricken. I loved it. Then a job came open to be a Medicare biller, I thought I would love to learn it as it would further advance me. I caught on quick and loved it. In Jan 2008, just after meeting my 'now' husband, my ex's family showed up on my doorstep on a Sunday night. Things were not good as my ex is not legally here in the US and I have always been afraid that he could at anytime try to take my kids and run and I would never be able to find them. Anyway, back to that night. It was kinda nerve racking and I had to make a decision to either stay and chance that or have the opportunity to move to Alabama with my husband. I chose the latter. I talked to my boss that Monday morning and let him know how sorry I was, but I couldn't leave a notice, I explained the situation and he seemed very empathetic and I thought things were ok. There were 4 other billers that could take my work until he got someone new. I even spoke to him a few times after and never felt anything wrong. While I don't like leaving without giving notice, my fears of our family safety overpowered that.
Fast forward to today. I have been on numerous interviews and even applied for my old job. I haven't gotten any of these jobs and I got a denial email on the one for my old job, no interview. Then I received a couple emails from a few different friends that also work there and they pretty much said not to use him as a reference and one even asked me to make sure I wasn't using him as a reference. I knew something was wrong at this point but I thought that I had covered my bases. So, I emailed him to see. No response. I emailed him again and apologized once more that I had to leave the way I did and offered an even more in depth apology. No response. I'm not getting a job and its because of him. I emailed the HR lady to see why I didn't qualify for an interview for the job I once held and she responded it is because the hiring manager doesn't wish to interview me..guess who the hiring manager is..that's right old boss. I'm being black-balled from everything I apply for now even though I thought things were squared away.
I understand his frustration with me or him not wanting to hire me back, but he has obviously bad-mouthed me to coworkers because of the emails they sent me. I feel awful. Doesn't it matter that for the time I was there, I never once called in sick and I went beyond my own duties to help out others. I was a good employeed and even other supervisors there have offered to be a reference. Do I not deserve a 2nd chance? How would you feel in this situation?
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