Yes, I am still alive... hard to believe since it has been so long! I can't believe that I disappeared for so long. I have been reading others blogs daily though, I just haven't found my own inspiration for a post. My life is, get this, somewhat chaotic. I don't know whether I am coming or going half the time. I manage to feel this way without having an outside job, without having a 'real' life...just simply put, living life day by day.
I have sunk into a depression. WHAT?! Yes this infertile is depressed. I have reached an ultimate low. I don't know that any of you are even reading my blog anymore, especially since I haven't posted in 8 mos.... but if you are, I'm sorry that I have pushed you away. You may have been reading my blog or you may have been on my facebook...chances are, you probably aren't doing either. I sunk too a low when it seemed that all I read on facebook were baby/pregnancy updates and I acted a little irrational and deleted everyone related to my IF life. Don't be surprised if you get a friend request from me, I miss my friends! Besides if anyone is pregnant or has a baby, I hope and pray that it is one of you ladies!
The hardest hit to me is when I found out my stepdaughter is preg again. This will now be her 3rd child and her middle one is just over a year and she is already 20 weeks. I have to tell you that I am extremely jealous and hold resentment. When I first came into their lives, my husband and I took care of her oldest child day and night while she still partied and lived out her younger 'all about me' years. Let me tell you, even though some things have changed, not everything has. I just don't know how it is fair for a couple to be ready for a family in every sense of the word and not be able to have one while another couple who is reckless and so self-involved can get knocked up so easily.
Anyway, I am not about to make this a pity party post because I am trying to pick up and drag myself out of the infertility hole that I have dug myself into. I hope that all is well for everyone of you amazing ladies....
PS, Kitty, if you are reading...I have said a million and one prayers for you! :)
7 comments:
Big, huge, HUGS Tanya! I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers. And I'm so sorry you've been depressed, but good for you for making the attempt to pull yourself back up. You're an amazing person and I hate that infertility has taken its toll on you. Hang in there, friend. There is SOOO much more to you than IF!!! <3
Hang in there - I'm glad you're working on bringing yourself back up. Looking forward to hearing from you more often!
Tanya, you deserve happiness! I hope you find it. I really do. You don't deserve this. I totally understand why you would push people away.
I'm so glad to see your post! I think about you often!! IF is so hard and hardly anyone really "gets it"! We are here for you lady!! xoxo
Hey girl, I feel your pain (((HUGS))) I've been lax on my blog lately and can't imagine what you are going through. Thankfully our adoption has kept my IF depression at bay for now. Still contemplaiting a hysterectomy so I don't have awful AF cramps which could be m/c. We are still around!!
((((TANYA))))) I check your blog every single day. We all miss you and love you so much!!! xoxo Jen
Thinking of you!! Hang in in there sweetie.
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