***Warning, possible TRIGS in post***
Excited, Thankful, Nervous, Anxious, Sorry, and Thrilled.
I am going through many emotions right now. On one hand I am so happy to be going back "home" and taking my 2 kids back to see family and friends. On the other, I'm really nervous about the plane ride and my little girl, who has a very mild version of Cer.e.bral Pa.lsy. I'm nervous about her ears being able to take the altitude adjustments. I'm worried about her tendency to lose blad.der con.trol. I just hope and pray that everything goes ok. Also, this is the first time that me and DH have been apart since being married. We've only been married for a year and a half, so to me it still feels like being newlyweds. Its gonna be hard to leave him for 2 weeks. Funny to say that, because I have never felt like this in my entire life so it just reassures the fact that I was with the wrong person the 1st time around. I find it such a relief that my children and DH have such a close bond. If you didn't know different, you would think they were his...and I wish they were. I would love nothing more than to have a child with him. Not that it makes my children any less, because I am so very thankful for them. I feel very blessed and love them more than I can ever describe.
Which leads me to thinking about my TTC efforts. I wish that I could do something to help all of my fellow TTC'ers. I wish that I could give them a magic pill so that they could also experience this motherhood. I feel so guilty sometimes that I have children already and that there are so many without. Some days it is really hard for me because I want to offer so much support to others, but I don't know if I'm much help to others. The last thing that I want to do is cause pain to someone else TTC and I hope and pray that I don't ever make someone feel bad or "throw it in their face that I already have children". Because honestly, if I wasn't blessed with children, it would be hard for me to hear from others that already have them.
I just want to tell all the ladies who are in this TTC journey with me that I am so thankful for the support and love that I feel. I hope that I don't make anyone feel badly, and pray that I can help by offering advice and support. You ladies mean a lot to me and I don't even "know" you.
1 comment:
I'm sure your flight will go well and your daughter will be fine. Enjoy spending time with your family and friends! I kwym, I can't stand to be apart from DH either.
I've never felt that you were rubbing it in my face about your children. The desire to have babies is perfectly natural. Any person going through TTC has alot in common with me.
Have a safe flight!!
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